You
by Kazo Sakamari
Summary: James finally tells Sirius that Lily is pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

Just a little something I was testing out, let me know what you think :)

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"Lily's pregnant."

The words seem to echo around the empty kitchen. The apartment is quiet, too quiet in the early hour of four in the morning.

James rubs at his eyes. It's been a long night. A long day.

His glasses slip down his nose and when he pushes them back up a smear of red blood stains the left lens.

He sighs, "say something."

Sitting on the counter top across from him, Sirius shakes their head.

"What do you want me to say?" Their voice is tired. Drawn. Done with life.

James knows how they feel.

"I don't know."

Sirius takes a swig of vodka straight from the bottle and grimaces. "I fucking told you," they say, before taking another swig and James gestures for the bottle.

"I know."

It burns.

The vodka and Sirius' words. Because they had told him. Told him that Lily wasn't ready for war, Lily didn't want to be in a war, that he and Lily had 'irreconcilable differences.' Sirius had told him his relationship with Lily was doomed and he had screamed and yelled and argued and fought. With Sirius. Against Sirius.

And Sirius was right.

As they so often were in this day and age.

In wartime.

James looks at Sirius, sitting across from him.

Their face is smudged with soot from the fiendfyre at the raid and their clothes are bloodstained from the battle that followed. Their blood and someone else's. Their eyes are bloodshot and tired, lips dry and cracked, face drawn, skin tinged gray, hair lank and unwashed.

They look tired. Exhausted. Over it. Living.

Sirius sits across from him looking like they're clinging to life by a single fucking thread and James knows they are.

They killed five people tonight. Maybe more, James only saw the five.

He killed people tonight too.

The raid, the battles, the war, the constant never-ending war that is sucking their souls from their body. Leaving them mindless, heartless, empty fucking shells of what they once were.

"She wants to get married." James says, trying to drown the uncertainty in his voice with another mouthful of vodka.

Sirius raises an eyebrow.

Seeing straight through him.

"What do you want James?" They ask him and James stares into their swirling sliver eyes.

You.

I want you.

I've always wanted you.

I've only ever wanted you.

Ever since I was eleven years old.

Ever since I met you that first day on platform 9 and ¾'s and looked into those swirling silver eyes.

"You." He says.

Voice steady for the first time in weeks.

Sirius cocks their head, silver eyes boring into James. A small spark of life, laughter, love, reigniting. If only for a moment.

They take another long swig of vodka and James watches as their dry lips wrap slowly around the mouth of the bottle. As their head tilts back sensually. As their long bloodstained neck moves elegantly as they swallow.

He makes to get up, to cross the scant two feet separating them and fucking kiss—

Sirius kicks him in the chest with their boots. Hard. Shoving him back into the folding chair he's sitting on.

"Don't." Sirius says. "Your girlfriend is fucking pregnant."

And James opens his mouth to defend himself.

But Sirius is right.

Once again.

He stares at them.

As they struggle to continue to live, breathe, survive.

And knows that without him, they probably won't.

Know that he wouldn't, without them.

Without Sirius.

Motherfucking Sirius.

He's never cared about what their last name is. What's between their fucking legs. What pronouns they use. What clothes they wear. Who their parents are. Who their brother is. What side they're on. Who they fuck. How they fuck. Who they've killed. How many they've killed.

He's never cared about any of it.

Just Sirius.

"I love you." James says finally as an apology.

And Sirius just nods, tucks their hair behind their ears and takes another long drink of vodka.

"Love you too mate." They set the bottle down on the counter, the loud clink of the glass against Formica sounding too loud around them. Jumping off the counter, Sirius stands in front of him in bloodstained jeans and combat boots and James just stares up at them and doesn't move a muscle. "I'm gonna shower Prongs."

"Okay." James eyes the almost empty vodka bottle sitting there and Sirius shakes their head. Sighs.

It's still tired, but in a different way than before. Now it's just an average, exhausted sounding sigh.

"Tell Lily tomorrow." Sirius tells him.

And so he does.

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	2. Chapter 2

Not sure what this is gonna be but we're just rolling with it.

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His glasses slip down his nose as he checks his gold wristwatch again. Sirius wasn't known for being punctual. Never had been.

Still.

James checks his watch and looks around the platform. He spies Lily at the other end, in a pair of tight jeans and a caramel colored leather jacket, her red hair glinting in the summer sun. She catches his eye and smiles. Bright white teeth, rosy cheeks, glossy lips.

She is beautiful.

The barrier flickers and James breaks eye contact with Lily, turning. But it's just another family. Parents, kids, empty trolleys and cameras. Across the platform Lily cocks an eyebrow at him and James smiles.

Looks away.

Checks his watch once more and is just about to do a lap of the platform when a breathy voice sounds in his ear.

"Miss me, miss me. Now you gotta kiss me."

The hair on James' arm stands on end and he turns, capturing Sirius' lips with his. "You're late Pads."

"You're just early babe." Sirius answers, stepping nimbly around him. There's a smirk on Sirius' soft lips and a glint in their gray eyes and James flinches.

At the sheer beauty that is Sirius in the sunlight.

At the soft skin, the sharp cheekbones, the thick hair, the angled eyebrows, deep set silver eyes, the plush lips, the sharp teeth.

Sirius is the kind of beauty that you can't forget, the kind that jolts, not soothes.

Jolts you to your core.

Sirius laughs at him, loud and sharp. A barking laugh. And after a moment, James joins in, his cheeks burning as he loops an arm around Sirius' thin shoulders. Pulling them close to him. Breathing in their scent.

At the other end of the platform, Lily turns away.

Sirius just laughs harder.

James had always been fascinated by the differences between Lily and Sirius.

The two great loves of his life.

Lily is a woman. A motherfucking _wo-man_.

Lily is all curves and long silky hair and soft skin and an ass that jiggles as she walks and tits that overflow from her lace bras. She smells like cinnamon and old books and roses. She tastes like vanilla and strawberry chapstick.

Lily is cozy sweaters and tight jeans and mugs of hot tea.

Tucked under his arm, Sirius fidgets uncomfortably, twitching in the hot sun, leg bouncing, fingers tapping. They tuck their hair behind their ears and then untuck it, tossing it back dramatically and James smiles.

At the sight.

At Sirius.

Lily may be cozy sweaters and tight jeans and mugs of hot tea but Sirius—

_Fuck_, Sirius is muscle tees and leather pants and vodka straight from the bottle.

Sirius is all sharp angles, strong lines, jutting hipbones, sinewy muscles, abs so tight you could bounce a quarter off them, an ass so hard it's like rock, no tits to speak of, tattoos littering pale skin. James can lift Sirius up with one arm they're so slight, can cup their ass in one hand it's so small, can wrap his arm around Sirius' waist with room to fucking spare.

James licks his lips.

Sirius tastes like mint gum and coffee and cigarettes. It's not a good taste, but it's familiar. And James loves it.

"The fuck are we waiting for?" Sirius mutters and James sighs. But, as if on cue, the red steam engine rolls up to the platform and Sirius rolls their shoulder's back. Preparing for the onslaught.

They're wearing an oversized leather biker jacket over a Kinks t-shirt, ripped black jeans and the same pair of combat boots they bought when they were sixteen. James glances at Lily again, amazed at the difference. Even when Lily and Sirius are wearing practically the same outfit, leather jackets, jeans, boots, they manage to look so drastically different.

Sirius catches him looking and snorts. "Really Prongs?"

James opens his mouth to say something, but is cut off by Regulus rushing into Sirius' arms.

And once more, Sirius' beauty jolts him.

Seeing them standing there, face fully lit by the white, bright, sunshine. Outlined against the clear blue sky. Wind whipping their black hair around their face. Gray eyes shining. Lips curled into a smile that can only be described as lovestruck.

And they are, lovestruck that is.

James looks away from Sirius down to Regulus. His daughter. Their daughter. A motherfucking clone of Sirius. With the same thick black hair, the same sharp features, the same teasing smiles, the same sparkling gray eyes.

James stands on the platform and swears he could be staring at an eleven year old Sirius instead of his own daughter. The only difference being, that Regulus is smiling and laughing and wrapped tightly in her mother's arms. Whereas Sirius, for all the years James has known them, for all the years he's been with them, has never once seen Walburga Black so much as touch them.

"You gonna give your dad a hug too?" James teases his daughter and Regulus finally peels herself off Sirius and throws herself into her dad's arms. And James feels his legs go weak, he loves his daughter so much, missed her so much. Looking into Sirius' swirling eyes he sees they feel the same.

They always do.

Him and Sirius.

Always.

Sirius shakes their head fondly, hair flying about as they digs a cigarette out of their coat. They light it with a flick of their finger, wandless magic a breeze for them, and shift awkwardly as the crowd on the platform starts to move about. Sirius eyes their daughter. "How was the train ride baby?"

"It was fun," Regulus shrugs, "we got your old compartment. Murph and I had a game of poker going and—"

Sirius takes a drag on their cigarette and nods along as Regulus spills detail after detail of the train ride, eyes already drifting to the crowd of people around them. James sighs again, knowing that all of this is going in one ear and out the other and that he's going to have to be the attentive parent today. Or at least until they get home and Peter can take over.

Sirius is Sirius.

James knows this. Has known this since he was fucking eleven years old. Will always know this.

He knew, way back when, that just because Sirius pushed Regulus out of their vagina, it wasn't going to change who they were.

Sirius isn't necessarily a good parent. A good mother. Not in the way that James is sure Lily is.

Sirius is Sirius.

It is what it is.

They try though. So damn hard. And James knows this.

A main of red hair is making its way through the crowd towards them and James curses internally at the same time Sirius spots Lily.

"Oh for fucks sake." Sirius mutters and James watches as his partner and daughter form a united front across from him. Blacks are against pretentious bitches, Sirius always used to say in school whenever Lily made an appearance. It still holds true apparently.

"James!" Lily calls out warmly, going in for a hug and James smiles, feeling her soft body press against his for the briefest of seconds.

Behind Lily follows her husband, Amos Diggery, and their three sons, Cedric, Harry, and Anthony. All looking less than enthused at the idea of making small talk with their mother's ex-boyfriend James Potter and the genderless, ambiguous, murderer Sirius Black.

"Sirius!" James watches with mild amusement as Sirius' entire body stiffens as Lily hugs them tightly.

"And you must be Regulus!" Regulus manages the briefest of grimaces before Lily envelopes them in a gentle hug, "you must know my son Anthony, he was a first year as well."

Regulus and Anthony size each other up and James looks over Lily's family. It's the first time he's ever actually seen her children. Not since he and Sirius finally got together.

Anthony, Lily's youngest at eleven, has strawberry blond curls and warm brown eyes, a smattering of freckles running across his nose and James has no doubt in his mind that Regulus could crush this boy in seconds. Harry, the middle child at fourteen, has Lily's brilliant red hair and dark brown eyes, he looks moody and bored and ready to leave. Just like Sirius is looks now. Cedric, the oldest at seventeen, is tall and handsome, the head boy badge still pinned to his robes, with golden blond curls, a suntan, and the only of Lily's children to inherit her glass green eyes.

James remembers when Cedric was born.

Before he and Sirius had got together.

After he and Lily had broken up.

She'd wanted a way out. Out of the war. Out of the fighting. Out of the fear. And she found her way out with Amos.

Not with James.

He remembers leaning against the kitchen in the shit flat he and Sirius used to share in Soho and telling Sirius about the ultimatum Lily had given him. Remembers Sirius calling out the bullshit and actually hearing it. For the first time.

He and Lily broke up the next day.

A month later she was shacked up with Amos Diggery. A month after that she was pregnant. A month after that Amos bought a house in the country side with his daddy's money and moved his pregnant teenage wife out of the war zone.

Lily got what she wanted. A devoted husband, children, a family, a normal life.

She saved herself from the bloodshed.

James turns his own family. Sirius, twitching and paranoid among the throng of people, chain smoking their way through their cigarette pack with white knuckles. Regulus, eleven years old, born years after the war ended, named after the last true Black standing, Sirius' dead brother.

Lily saved herself from the bloodshed.

Sirius bathed in it.

The war lasted for years.

James fought tooth and nail, heart and soul, clawed his way through that shit and made it out alive. But Sirius—

Sirius lost _everything._

Disowned by their parents. Marked for dead by their favorite cousin. Forced to watch their only brother die.

Sirius' entire life had been ripped apart by the war and James had barely been able to hold them together.

The fact that Sirius is alive today is a miracle.

The fact that Sirius is happy today…

James wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't lived it.

He watches as Sirius makes small talk with Amos about the World Cup and grills Cedric about his girlfriend and recommends Harry a potions book and teases Anthony until the poor boy's ears turn red.

James is always amazed by the difference between Sirius and Lily.

Lily catches his eyes and touches his shoulder gently.

"You have a wonderful life James." She whispers to him softly and James nods.

"So do you."

They stare at each other for a moment and James can see himself standing next to Lily, with three handsome sons and a beautiful wife and a house in the countryside.

A life untarnished. Untainted. Picture perfect.

But he never wanted that life.

No.

He only ever wanted Sirius.

"We should have you over for dinner sometime." Amos says and James snorts as Sirius blows a smoke ring in Amos' face.

"I'll have my people coordinate with your people." They say, flickering their hair back and smiling prettily as Amos looks taken aback. James snakes an arm around their waist and Sirius leans against him, holding their cigarette up to his mouth. James takes a drag and lets the smoke float away into the summer sun. Kisses the top of his partner's head and checks his watch once more.

"We've got to get going, Remus and Peter are busy slaving away on your welcome home dinner baby." He tells his daughter and feels his heart skip as Regulus beams up at him, the pure love in her smile everything he's ever wanted in life. Feels Sirius nestled into the plains of his body like they were made for each other and knows they were.

"It's so nice to see you." Lily tells him as she kisses him on the cheek and James know she means it.

"It's nice to see you too." He tells her as he picks up Regulus' bags and Sirius pulls their motorcycle keys out of their pocket, eager to get out of the large open space, away from the crowd.

"See ya Evans." Sirius says, slapping Lily's ass as they walk away. James and Regulus laugh together, following Sirius through the crowd.

.

Up there.

High in the sky.

With Nirvana blasting from the speakers and the wind whipping through his hair and London falling away from them down below and his arms wrapped tight around Sirius' thin waist and Sirius' body pressed hot against him and Sirius' silver Honda vibrating between his legs and their daughter laughing wildly in the sidecar next to him—

James knows.

He wouldn't trade this life for anything.

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